Holy shit Blake woke up today, and he was all kinds of loony tunes.
I’ve spent almost the entire day listening to his ranting and raving, and I tell you what, he’s seen some serious stuff while he was down and out. He didn’t even know where to start, and I don’t even know where to start in recanting it all for here.
Um, okay so they aren’t dead, and they aren’t alive. Both of the dudes are in like this, weird place where the dead go. Blake had a hard time describing it, but as best as I can tell, it’s like being in a dream you can’t wake up from. He also said that it was always June 23rd. Like the afterlife was frozen solid on the day this all began, and when you die, you just go back to that day, and sit there waiting this all out. Blake said he was wandering around, and found Adrian in the orchard, knocked out cold, surrounded by a pool of blood. He also said the orchard was stuck in the summer. Small apples. Weird stuff right?
I think that’s just about what he said. He also said that Adrian and him were like, hunting down evil and shit in the place where evil lurks. Adrian has mentioned it a few times in passing randomly. He calls it the Lacuna. I looked it up in one of the old dictionaries around here, and Lacuna means:
A gap, or missing part. Like in a story, or like an argument, or even more weirdly, like a hiatus, or break.
I don’t know where he dug that word up, but for some reason, it creeps me the hell out. I don’t even like thinking that word now. I always dug that Italian rock band Lacuna Coil, but now fuck that. I can’t even listen to those guys again. Adrian has them on this laptop too. I’ve got half a mind to just delete them off the hard drive just for safety’s sake. I feel like we’re inviting badness.
That’s silly, but I’m kinda freaking out here. Blake had a lot to share.
So in this dream world, not the Lacuna mind you, Adrian and Blake find Gilbert, and he’s like chilling at his house. He’s got all this good info, and he lays it all on our two heroes like they’re at the Oracle at Delphi, and Adrian kinda shits a brick, but he hikes up his skirt anyway, and when they go to the Lacuna to get Blake all freed up from the reins of evil so he can come back alive and stuff, Adrian challenges the DEVIL to a fight, and the DEVIL pussies out and sends Sean. Remember that douche nozzle from Westfield? The d-bag that ran the show and made all those people miserable? I guess the evil or whatever sends him to fight Adrian, and Adrian straight up smashes that guy’s face. Then he like, grabs him, and threatens the DEVIL.
How large do your testicles need to be to threaten evil? Or, alternately, how small does your brain have to be? Either way, Adrian has it covered. Giant brass gonads, and a teeny weeny brain. He’s double qualified.
So yeah. Adrian beats this Sean dude’s ass yet again, and then like, after a few days, he talks to Blake and poof, Blake wakes up like he’s been asleep all this time.
Blake said it was so amazing watching Adrian in the Lacuna. I can only imagine. Blake said it was like watching some magical knight, or a superhero, or like, someone really powerful.
I’m wondering what the hell we have to do to get him to wake up, and if he does wake up, will he be able to shoot fireballs out of his weiner, and with a wave of his hand turn water into wine, and make vaginas get all lubricated. That’d be perfect.
I’m so nervous.
Blake said that Gilbert was sure that we’d be getting into some serious trouble here soon. He said that because I was writing in this diary, just like Adrian did, I might draw trouble onto us. Gilbert thought that because Adrian was down and out, we were vulnerable. And you know what, I feel vulnerable. I’m scared dad. Scared big time.
I wish you were here to help, but even if you were, you weren’t all that good a shot. I guess it’d be nice just to see you again.
Blake said that you talked to him and Adrian while he was wandering in the wastes of the dream world, or whatever you want to call it. I’m kind of comforted to know that you’re sort of okay, wherever you are. Not in pain or anything. Blake said Adrian said you sounded sad. I hope you’re not sad and worried about us. Mom and I are doing well, and you can rest.
You’ve earned it. Dying is a real combo breaker.
So impending doom. Yep. Heard it here first. If Gilbert is sure we’re up the creek without that fricking paddle, then we are up that creek. He didn’t make many mistakes about stuff, and that worries me a great deal. What I wonder now is… what is Adrian up to on the other side? And apparently… as Gavin told me in the dream, Adrian’s body needs to be repaired lickety split, or we may have to deal with whatever is coming without him.
Not cool. Not sure what else to say here. The Factory is doing well. I guess the undead over that way just up and left a few days ago, which really makes me wonder where they went. You want to place a bet on “right here?” Gavin’s tower is okay. No fighting over sexual preferences, which is a huge improvement.
The rain went away, so we were able to get most of the hay moved. We need another full day according to Ollie to get it stored properly. We’re storing it all over the place too. There’s a LOT of frigging hay for these cows. I almost want to accidentally shoot one so we can have a hamburger, and so we don’t need all this damn hay. Also, the chickens are doing great.
The weather has been crappy like I said, but it’s clear right now. Nights are super cold though. Nipples into diamonds cold, and that’s pretty cold. If I had boobs, I’d want to tuck one of those hand warmer things underneath them to keep them snuggly. Sadly, I don’t have boobs, and I just layer to keep my chest warm.
TMI dad? I mean, you knew I had no boobs. You brought me up, and if you hadn’t seen my lack of chesticles, you’re just blind. Still love you.
I’m off. I’m tired, and I am so scared. Adrian’s sleeping pills are great by the way! I take one at bedtime, and within maybe half an hour I am light’s out. I am going to try and sleep without one tonight to make sure I don’t get hooked, and to stay a little more coherent in the very likely event we get pwned by a horde of the Devil’s minions.
Adrian is an obsessive folder. If he has a napkin on the table, he’ll fold it three or four times to make it neat. His laundry is folded perfectly and stored away perfectly. His socks are bunched perfectly. His bed is made perfectly. Every day. It drives Mallory nuts.
Kinda funny that a guy that swears, farts, and makes dick and pussy jokes all day and night spends that much time and effort on the little things.
Or is it exactly as you’d expect. Funny guy.