Blog Entries
January 24th, 2012 Tags: 250th entry

January 24th.

                Things have been quiet here on the homefront.  I’m happy to report that we are currently enjoying a period of rest, and productivity.

                Unfortunately, that time has shown to me that we are in fairly deep shit when it comes to food.  Jenna has been on top of our consumption like an ace, and I am not liking what I am hearing.  The addition of Diane, Danielle, Jackie and Warren has further strained our already stretched food situation.  We’re pissing through milk faster than our cows can make it, and none of our female cows (heifers?  I don’t know what the right word is) are pregnant at the moment.  Ollie has been trying to get them fucking, or inseminated or whatever to keep it rolling, but no luck just yet.

                Our chickens continue to crank out eggs at a nice pace, and they’re making chicks at a nice pace, so we are upping our chicken consumption.  Right now we’re eating two chickens a week on campus, and I made the call to go up to three a week for the next four weeks.  Hopefully that doesn’t outpace our chicken creation rate.  I’m not happy about it, but it is what it is.

                James has been outside the wall with his bow looking for deer, or moose, or any kind of game at all, but he hasn’t seen shit.  He’s done a really good job up to this point getting us some venison on the regular, but lately it’s been nothing.  He is taking Blake and Joel across town to the area near The Farm to hunt in the backwoods out that way.  As best we can tell, since our run in with them, there hasn’t been anyone out that way.  Theoretically, the deer should be there, frolicking in the forest, begging for us to shoot them and eat them.

                Delicious deer.  Two deer would almost completely offset our food shortage for a month.  Just two deer.  Hopefully James bags one in the next day or two and makes my overall level of stress and worry drop.

                I’ve tried to have meals with the new people since they arrived.  Danielle and Diane are both still living in the clinic due to injury and potential illness.   Jackie and Warren are in Hall A, and we’ve gathered together in the clinic for lunch and dinner the past couple days.  Lunch has been somewhat boring, but dinner has been interesting.  I say so because Michelle has been attending dinner to get to know the others, and I like having her around.  Michelle is also terrific at asking interesting questions that don’t seem prying, but always manage to get a shitload of information out of people.  In another life, she’d be a phenomenal detective.  She always seems to know what’s inside someone’s head.  It’s creepy and awesome at the same time.

                The line of questioning that I most frequently want to pry into when we’re talking is the number of undead that they saw when their group was traveling through/past the city.  From everything they’ve said, it’s now overflowing with the dead.  Their descriptions say that the surface level streets off the exits and ramps and such were shoulder to shoulder undead in some places.  Literally thousands of them packed into the city.

                None of us could come up with a viable reason for how or why so many undead herded themselves into the same area of the world.  It’d take a concentrated effort to lead that many into a place.  It’d also take a fucking miracle working ninja (ala Jesus, Buddha, Bob Villa, or Chuck Norris) to lead them into that space, then slip out without them following you to your final destination.

                Why is the city turning into a veritable necropolis?  What’s behind all this?  When we left dinner earlier tonight Michelle and I stopped to chat about it here in Hall E over a cup of tea.  Fuck Kevin but he’s got me hooked on that Chai tea again.  Motherfucker.  It’s a pretty yummy alternative to coffee, which we are also running low on.  Tea on the other hand, we’ve still got a shitload of.  Tea bags are everywhere it seems.

                At any rate, Michelle and I both shared the opinion that this burst of undead had to be conspicuous.  It couldn’t have been done by the living.  Just couldn’t.  It was either good, or evil.  Far too heavy a hand and far reaching an effect for us mere mortals to have orchestrated.

                But why?  Why would either force gather so many of the dead in a single location?  What’s the game?  Is evil trying to fortify the city for a purpose?  Is good trying to gather them in a single location to free up real estate for someone? Or maybe gather them so we can dispose of them en masse?

                Neither of us had any concrete answers.  At this point, there’s just too little information.  It’s also scary to try and think of how we’d get intel.  The Factory’s cameras can’t see any of this horde, and sending someone into that area would either be a death sentence, or if they were successful, we run the risk of leading a ginormous population of the dead right back to our little town here, which would suck.  I’m sure Kevin would love to head in, guns blazing, but that’s not the solution to this.  This one will require some brain cells and putting two and two together.

                I like hanging around with Michelle.  She’s funny, super smart, intuitive, pretty, etc.  More or less the full package.  She reminds me of a cooler, calmer Cassie.  Well, she isn’t a redhead either, but that’s nothing to hold against her. I’m kinda wondering if she and I are like, developing something.  She’s kind of religious and stuff, which is odd for me.  She’s also got morals, which could be a total deal killer in the big picture.  I dunno. 

                I mean there’s the whole, “I’m a shitty person to be in any kind of relationship with” factor.  I don’t want to burden anyone with the stress, regardless of how horny I am, or how pretty or great they are.  I can’t involve anyone in my shit and expect them to just weather the storm.

                I also sit here after talking with Mallory and realize that I never really had… “that” feeling with her.  You know the one Mr. Journal?  That tingly feeling?  That sensation when you see a person that makes you nervous and excited, and warm and all fuzzy and stuff? And that other feeling when you don’t see them?  The little tinge of sadness and disappointment and that lingering wonder of what they are doing, and how they are?   It’s also mixed with that tiny touch of anticipation for the next time you see them… and how you’ll feel.

                I never had that with Mallory.  I just never did.  I never really realized it until recently.  I cared about her, sure.  I lusted after her, definitely.  But that certain spark, that desire that went beyond the flesh wasn’t there.  If I fucked her, great.  If I didn’t, meh.  Sex was great, but there was just something missing.  That connection wasn’t there.

                The last person I had that with was Cassie, but you already knew that.  One thing Mallory was great for was distracting me from the whole Cassie ordeal.  My guilt, my thoughts.  I dwelled on her like there was no tomorrow, and I literally mean no tomorrow.  Thoughts of her and what I did that day consumed me.  Ate me alive.  Being with her gave me a respite from those thoughts.  They didn’t entirely go away, but they were muted.

                I wonder if I’ll ever be able to love anyone again.  I wonder how the fuck I get over Cassie?  How do I get closure and move on, and enjoy my life? 

                Large questions for a day when I don’t have to worry about the lives of everyone around me I guess.  Something I’ve got to solve on my own I suppose as well. 

                Michelle said the school is doing well.  Kids are attending willingly, behavior has been great, and the folks teaching their subjects are enjoying it.  I hope we can sustain it.  Michelle also shared that Syl has begun to draw pictures, some with words.  Most of them involve her and what appear to be her parents doing typical family things.  When Syl appears agitated or scared, the pictures tend towards the violent.  Based on the picture Michelle thinks one parent died and killed the other, and Syl had to kill both parents.  Of course until she can verbalize that to us, we’re just guessing.  Poor kid.

                Incidentally, she hasn’t bitten or hit anyone in about a week I think.  Serious progress there.  Michelle said yesterday afternoon, they let her eat with the group in Hall C’s common area, and she was a little nervous and it got a little dicey, but she ate well, and returned to her room to get some space.  Also a large step in the right direction.

                Work on the tower has been slow.  Freezing rain has been a bitch, and frankly, we’re all just focused on working on the food situation.  We’ve thrown in to help Ollie with the cows and the chickens, and some of us are working with Ryan and my sister on building new hydro racks.  Eta on them being up ad operation is unknown, but Ryan guessed at maybe another week or so. 

                In the meantime, MGR is keeping an eye on the remaining two fires to the south.  It seems like there are two separate groups in that direction that have taken up residence there.  No violence towards us as of yet, and in another few days, if we can manage it, we’re going to make a supply run in that direction, and hopefully we can track down the source of the fire, and make contact.  Ideally, peaceful contact.

                We’ll see.  Gonna clock some z’s.  Really feeling tired.  Think I’m catching some kind of cold.





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